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Posts Tagged ‘relationships’


Cleansing and Mourning Process Gratefully Accepted

heal in your own time and your own way

I’ve been through a difficult frustrating week of what I now realize is a final cleansing and mourning process. Felt the flu coming on so attacked it full force with my ayurvedic herbal preparations. I felt no flu like symptoms per se except for weakness. So basically I didn’t really suffer much during the cleansing process but was frustrated in that I had to cancel all my plans for lots of dancing this week. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday! 😦 …but I am looking at it all compassionately and acceptingly and finally today I am beginning to feel better. But this could NOT happen until I hit rock bottom today, even cried, and eventually realized that if things had worked out differently, I would have been celebrating my ex’s birthday all throughout this weekend. Once I allowed myself to accept my feelings, to acknowledge and validate them, I began to feel better. No matter how sure we are that we have made the right decision, no matter how at peace we are with that decision, accepting the feelings that accompany it are all part of the cleansing and healing process. Give yourself permission to feel, to be sad, to cry, to mourn…and when your strength, energy and vitality return, you will know you are ready to healthily move on.

not getting what you want

I am missing him, and that is natural and normal, but not feeling bad about it…actually, not even sad but more acceptingly grateful that I was given the courage to be strong enough to end a relationship with someone who was not worth my loving him or worthy of my love. However difficult this is to do, the sense of relief I am feeling more than compensates for the loss I am feeling. I feel blessed to be in this place, at this moment, and know something so much better is finding its way to me. I am open and ready for it. I am truly blessed. I’ve learned valuable and important lessons from this past relationship and truly  experienced deep and powerful love for the first time. It was quite miraculous  and I am most grateful for being given this lovely and truly pleasurable learning experience. With all its difficulties, I would not have wanted to miss it for a moment.

i deserve better

I have lost something that I truly wanted in my life

But it was something that was not healthy for me and I am eternally grateful to you for giving me the strength to end it

weight and release

And now….smilingly waiting for whatever new and beautiful experience awaits me.

with much love light and JOY

Jane

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The End of Crippling Shoes

roseI woke up this morning with a desperate need to write…something which hasn’t happened in an extremely long time and was sadly missing in my life. I almost crippled myself (and without realizing it, crippled my creativity as well) trying to wear the shoes I loved so dearly, but in the end the pain became too unbearable to withstand and I was forced to give up on them. Now that I am basically walking barefoot the process of healing is amazingly, and surprisingly, quick and complete. There definitely are times when loving something is not enough to continue fighting to keep it in your life.
For those of you who find the above confusing, you might want to read the post below which originally appeared on my blog in May 2013…only this time there are no open sandals either…I am now completely barefoot…and that seems to be the only way to get past shoes that don’t fit..no compromise, no in between state…toss them completely.
https://notinindia2012.wordpress.com/2013/05/30/when-the-shoe-doesnt-fit/

with much love light and JOY

Jane

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When the Shoe Doesn’t Fit

imagesHave you ever fallen in love with a shoe you saw in a store window only to find that when you tried it on it didn’t fit?  Was so uncomfortable that it was painful to slide your foot into it.  But because you loved it so much, you bought it anyway, figuring you could “break it in” over time? That if you wore it long enough it would come to suit your foot?
My ex understood long before I did that if the shoe doesn’t fit, no matter how much you love it and want to enjoy wearing it, it will never be possible and will only bring discomfort, pain and misery each time you try to wear it again.  No matter how or what you try to do to make it more comfortable, to fit better, it doesn’t work.  You can put it back in the closet and leave it there for awhile, wear different sox with it, put Band-Aids on to cushion the sore spots, have it stretched, try walking differently, wear them only when you don’t have to stand on them, no matter how hard you try, those shoes are never going to fit.

What you need is to try a similar shoe from the same company,or a different size or width or style, and perhaps you will find something which suits you.
My ex knew I did not suit him and no matter how much he loved me, and he most certainly did, in the most beautiful and complete way  possible, that he could not stay in a relationship with me and continue to live a harmonic, tranquil and healthy life. No matter how much he wanted me in his life, by continuing to wear a shoe that did not fit would only bring pain and misery.
931166_10151442808541545_356506539_n
I thought he didn’t love me enough and was giving up too easily.  I believed, that even though I knew for sure he did not suit me, did not fit, that BECAUSE I loved him so much, if I worked hard enough at it and didn’t give up, eventually we could be in a relationship. I thought I was being the better one in the relationship…because I was not giving up easily and fighting for what I was sure was a once in a lifetime, never to be found again blessing.    It took me a long time and a lot of bandaid wearing to realize how right he was…and that he didn’t give up because he didn’t love me enough, but because he realized the futility of trying to wear a shoe that doesn’t fit.
There will always be another beautiful shoe waiting  and this time you will know that it must fit from the beginning or you will never be able to break it in. I had to come to this realization before I could truly move beyond the pain and heartbreak. I am not sorry for all the months I tried as they were part of an important learning process for me, as well as a necessary cleansing period for me. And another important lesson for me in life has now been successfully learned and I am grateful for finally being able to understand it.
What we’ve done since then, to my great joy and surprise, is find a suitable model of the shoe which works for us.  We’ve gone back to a basic open sandal, with nothing painful confining the foot.  Pretty much just the soul  (sole) of the shoe and a light strap to keep it in place.
We’ve gone back to being partners for folkdancing, with none of the confines and complications of an unsuitable and impossible relationship to take away from the sheer joy and pleasure of dancing together…and THIS shoe fits us perfectly.

dancing 2
I will wait patiently and with an open heart for the shoe that truly fits to find its way to me.  I believe that the romantic stirrings of my heart, which my ex truly awakened in me for the first time in my life, without fear and in complete acceptance and joy (one of the greatest gifts he has given me) will now find their way out to the Universe and great love will be delivered to me at the time,and in the way,which is most suitable and “fitting”.  And that I will be open to embrace it in complete Freedom from Fear.
Life is good
with love light and JOY
Jane

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“Getting lost in love” is truly not a healthy way to “be” in love-or to love someone.

freedom-being you

Since the ending of my relationship with Y  just 3 weeks ago I’ve had many ups and downs, mostly ups to be honest, some doubts but none of them serious, some thoughts about my own ability to be IN a relationship at all (not just THIS particular one, ANY one), and all those thoughts and doubts have also proven themselves to be unfounded and lacking any truth. (took some deep inner work to figure this out, lots of prayer, meditation and guidance,but it was well worth the effort).

To finally understand that freedom to be completely yourself is possible WITHIN a relationship when that relationship is with the right person.

My relationship with Y was an amazing roller coaster ride, in which I soared to the highest peaks and fell sickeningly to the lowest places possible (literally-with more health issues than I’ve experienced in all the past 20 years put together)!  But I was tossed into this relationship unexpectedly and by surprise,  by God and the Universe, once again in order to learn more about myself and my being with a partner.  The school of life literally never ends, but some courses are easier and some are much more difficult to get through.

Y was a loving and caring teacher and he succeeded in teaching me more than anyone has in the past – including my parents, my friends, even my children.  I will always remember him with deep love for this role he played in my life.  But the biggest lesson, and one which has been plaguing me my whole life, was something I still had to learn on my own, and it wasn’t until the relationship was ended, that the AHA! Moment came.

Actually, my soul understood the problem almost from the beginning of the relationship 1 1/2 years ago, but I refused to listen!  (As we very often do).  And when I DID begin listening, and tried to blend with my soul’s understandings of what was “right” for me, this became the catalyst , or CAUSE of the relationship finally coming to an end.  But I did not see this until just a few days ago!  🙂

I once again realized that I had fallen back into my old habits of behavior while in a relationship.  I was still unable to be  WITH someone else and still be with myself as well.  I again found myself “loosing myself-getting lost-denying my own essence” in the process of being together with another. I found myself, for many reasons, going with the flow (the partner’s flow to be more precise) but in almost no way was this flow good for me.

And I actually thought I was enjoying the ride!!

In the first instance, a lifetime ago it seems, I had strong reasons to continue “going with the flow”…a large and growing family to take care of, long time friendship and loving times with my husband, a life style which was comfortable, pleasant and comforting, etc., etc.

Over 20 years later, ( and after many similar situations) I still found good reasons for “going with the flow” : a deep, soul wrenching, almost paralyzing love which could not be denied and was a great joy, blessing and privilege to have experienced, especially at my advanced age and after waiting so many years to find.

But it was still not a good enough reason to loose myself.

“Getting lost in love” is truly not a healthy way to “be” in love-or to love someone.

It is self destructive and self-sabotaging in the end and no relationship can be healthily sustained with this type of loving.

Only when it came to a point of exploding, or “imploding” on me, did I begin the process of trying to “retrieve” myself.  But this is so unfair to the other person.  They only know you as you presented yourself to them and they have no way of knowing how much you are denying your own needs and desires in order to be with them.  And when they DO find out that you need to be someone other than they thought you were, they very well may be unable, or unwilling to make the effort needed to “go with YOUR flow”.

Leaving his own comfort zone any further to continue to be with me, was something which Y was either incapable of doing, or simply unwilling to do to stay with me.  His own words were “The car is not worth the price!!”

So, the trick is to learn to be ME always, not to loose the essence of who I am no matter how much I love another and want to be with him. Not to accommodate my needs to fit the other person’s comfort zone without having him do the same for me.  If he is not able to be with me as I truly am, or not strong enough to be with me as I truly am, then we are not meant to be together.

When the person comes along who is secure enough in his OWN being to be with me, and to be worthy of me as I truly am, we will be able to live happily ever after.  And I believe it will still happen.

I am worth the effort needed by another to go with “my” flow as well.  To leave his own comfort zone as much as I need to leave mine.

And to find together a new place which is OUR comfort zone.

I believe this is possible.

I have Faith that this will happen and the memories of the deep soul love I felt with Y will always be with me.  Knowing that such love is possible between two people was one of the great blessings of this relationship. Finding this powerful love with the right person for me, is the next part of the journey, and I know things are already in place to manifest this new joyful miracle.

with love light and JOY

Jane

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Always, but always, listen to your inner voice. It will never steer you in the wrong direction.

hard decisions

“The Soul Always Knows What to do to Heal Itself. The Challenge is to Silence the Mind”

My life has been turned up side down and inside out with the ending of a relationship. There was every logical reason in the world to continue with the relationship…it appeared to be all a relationship should and could be.  But deep down inside, for many months now, I have been hearing a small voice telling me “it is not meant to be”.  You may remember all the posts about the improbable series of “same card” events (and since the last time I wrote, which was the 5th time it had happened, it has happened TWO MORE TIMES).

Well, this was all part of the Universe doing its bit to get me to pay attention to what my soul has known for a long time, but my mind was trying to prove it “knew better”.

IT DOESN’T NOT WORK!  EVER!

We cause ourselves unnecessary suffering and grief when we choose to “not hear” or insist that what we do hear cannot be right.  We start second guessing that inner wisdom, only to find, once more, that it was right all along.

Will it be different next time?  I’d like to think it will…but we are only human beings.  And in many instances we are not top students in the school of life.

So next time will bring its own lessons, and only time will tell how easily they will be learned.

Life is good.  I am blessed to have had this relationship and blessed by all it has taught me about myself.  It has changed me for the better and I am a happier person for having been in the relationship.  We just had completely different expectations and needs from a relationship and nothing could make that great difference in perspective change.

I am deeply grateful for the wonderful man who charged surprisingly into my life, turned things around and upside down and brought me to this new place in my life, far richer than I was before he came along. He taught me things about myself, showed me things about myself, which I have never before been willing to learn or see-no matter who tried to teach me. Leaving has been one of the THE most difficult things I have ever been guided to do in my life, but I have nothing but beautiful memories to cherish forever, and hopefully, over time, we will be able to get to the place where we can be friends.

with much LOVE, Light and JOY

Jane

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