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Posts Tagged ‘Love’


….Including Myself!

love yourself

This was posted years ago in my blog “Jane’s Mindfulness Journal” but I was guided to share it today. Based on one of the important Reiki principles ” just for today I will love and respect every living creature” ,I have added the phrase “INCLUDING MYSELF” . I believe it is worth the time it takes to read. . This was published as an article in the highly prestigious Reiki International Magazine as well.

Just for Today I Will Love and Respect Every Living Creature

thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyselfleviticus 19:18

If we look at this, as it is worded in the fourth of theReiki Principles, it appears to be fairly straightforward. It is pretty obvious to us that one of the most important things in this world is to love and respect others, show compassion and tolerance, patience and understanding etc. We also know that we must be kind to EVERY living being and this would of course include animals, insects, plants etc., etc.The original wording of theprinciple as stated by Dr.Usui is slightly different, but the message is more easily understood with the above paraphrase which I prefer using in myReiki classes and in my own daily meditation practice.And the profoundness of the principle, if we truly think about it, opens the door to an entirely new way of perceiving the ups and downs of our lives, of relating to instances where we feel we have been wronged by someone, or taken advantage of, even purposely hurt or embarrassed, or injured in any way. Of relating to the different people who come into our lives and the way we accept and embrace all that is sent our way by God and the Universe.

In addition, if we add just two small words to the above principle, it changes the impact and intent even more deeply. Just for Today I will Love and Respect Every Living Creature…INCLUDING MYSELF!! If we do not truly love ourselves, how can we possibly love and respect our neighbor??

I will try and give insights into the following two questions we must try to answer:

1. Can we truly love and respect others if we don’t do the same for ourselves
2. Can we truly be expected to love and respect EVERYone??

Before going any further into the idea of loving even those who we perceive as causing us pain or wishing us ill, let us, just for a moment, think about our relationship with ourselves.

Do you love yourself? Are you proud of yourself? Do you respect yourself? Do you take yourself for granted? Do you put yourself down? Do you say unkind things about yourself ? Just for the next week, in addition to saying this principle each day with your daily prayers, meditation or whatever your regular practice is, try delving a little deeper into it. Pay attention during the day to the thoughts that you have regarding the things you do. Check the impulse to criticize yourself, or be compassionate with yourself. Note how you feel when you make a wrong decision, or get lost on the highway, or break a dish you are washing, or burn the supper, or simply forget to do something important. What feelings do you have, what words fill your head at the moment (stupid, clumsy, thoughtless, lazy). What sensations do you feel physically in your body? Where? Are you automatically hard on yourself, or, perhaps, compassionate and understanding.

Think about this for a week, and I think you will be quite surprised at what you find. Many of us cannot even say out loud “I love myself”, “I think I am great”, “I am perfect just as I am”, etc., but even those of us who CAN say these things and truly mean them, are still too often overly critical of ourselves.I would even think to perhaps state the principle in a little different way. Instead of “Just for today I will love and respect every living creature…(including myself)”…How about: “Just for today I will love and respect myself in the same way I imagine I love and respect every other living creature” . Said in that way, it might make it easier for us to realize how much more compassionate we can be with others, how much more tolerant and understanding, how much more patient and loving, than we tend to be with ourselves. 

Like a caring mother
Holding and guarding the life
Of her only child,
So with a boundless heart
Hold yourself…. And all beings
…Buddha

“We might quite readily offer such care to others, but we can learn to offer this same kind of gentle attention to ourselves. With the tenderness we might bring to stroking the cheek of a sleeping child, we can softly place a hand on our own cheek or heart. We can comfort ourselves with words of kindness and understanding. “ Radical Acceptance”, Tara Brach, PhD.

For once again, if we do not GENUINELY love and respect ourselves, our pretense at loving and respecting every living creature is just that…pretense… Self love is the first step in truly loving our fellow creatures. And when we love and respect ourselves, everything and anything that happens to us, can be dealt with in a healthy way.Only when we come to terms with our own shortcomings and learn to accept ourselves exactly as we are, to extend unconditional love to the beautiful person we are, to be compassionate with ourselves even when we are not all we expected of ourselves, to love and respect ourselves and recognize the beauty of our soul within…to feel worthy and deserving and freely offer praise and genuine respect to ourselves…only when we cherish our own being, no matter where we may find ourselves at a particular moment, or stage in our lives, only when we offer ourselves encouragement and love at each step along the way and appreciate our accomplishments-no matter how small, only when we stop taking ourselves and our own needs and wants for granted and understand that we are just as worthy and deserving as everyone else…only when we truly love and respect ourselves can we begin to truly love the next person.
LoveMyselfGraphic

Many people will say “I don’t expect anything from the next person (my children, my spouse, my co-workers, etc.) that I don’t expect from myself.” Well, perhaps we are much too hard on ourselves! Others find it easy to extend loving-kindness, compassion, patience, tolerance, understanding, forgiveness and encouragement to others, while they dole out to themselves judgment, blame, anger, belittling words, harsh accusations, lack of forgiveness, etc.

But it is only when we can find the way to love ourselves unconditionally that we can truly understand the words:

…thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself…leviticus 19:18

The idea has obviously been around for a long time and is not a new concept developed by Dr. Usui… The Great Hebrew Sage Rabbi Akiva said “This is the most important point in the Torah…the rest is just commentary”.

The idea of loving the next person as we love ourselves becomes very easy as we simply extend the same gracious and loving attention to everyone that we do to ourselves.

And that will bring us to the second part of this discussion…loving and respecting EVERY living creature:

Let us look at this idea of loving and respecting EVERYone …. This would seem almost impossible when we think of some of the strange, difficult, inconsiderate, spiteful and even abusive people who we meet in our lifetime. But there is a profound lesson in extending understanding, forgiveness (see the post re: Forgiveness ) , compassion , patience and tolerance to those who truly wish us ill. It brings us once again in contact with the idea of FAITH…faith that God is sending these people into our lives for a loving purpose…no matter how difficult that may be for us to see.

We must learn to Cherish those we dislike, even those we perceive as enemies, for they are gifts from God and we must be thankful for this blessing and pray for the wisdom to learn the lesson these people have been sent to teach us

We draw to us those who will help us learn about ourselves. Each time we are presented with a challenge dealing with another, we are really being presented with an opportunity to look inside ourselves to see what about us it is that needs working on, so that we may grow.

The idea of loving each and every person, no matter what, is quite difficult, almost impossible, but I present the idea to you for further thought and consideration, together with the following collection of quotes and insights, and perhaps your comments will lead to further discussion which will benefit us all:

Every person sent to us is a blessing meant to teach us a lesson we need to learn.
In the practice of tolerance, one’s enemy is the best teacher.
Dalai Lama
Everything that irritates us about others
Can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.
Carl Jung (1875-1961), Psychologist ~I have learned silence from the talkative,
tolerance from the intolerant
and kindness from the unkind.
I should not be ungrateful to those teachers.
Kahlil Gibran
What angers us in another person is more often than not an unhealed aspect of ourselves. If we had already resolved that particular issue,we would not be irritated by its reflection back to us.~ Simon Peter Fuller (from ‘Rising Out of Chaos’) ~
No-one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
Eleanor Roosevelt (1884-1962) ~
Nothing can hurt you unless you give it the power to do so.
~ A Course in Miracles ~~
The main teachers of patience are our enemies.”
Dalai Lama

and with this I wish you all much love and compassion, patience and tolerance, and freedom from fear to accept and embrace all that is sent your way by God and His Loving Universe.

with love light and JOY
Jane

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A Candle in the Darkness?

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We all understand the concept of lighting a candle in the darkness.

A candle will always light up a dark room just as love always wins over hate.
But what if you put the candle, the love, into a Black Hole? It will simply be swallowed up into the unending abyss-in this case, the unending abyss of hatred and evil-without lighting up anything-having no impact whatsoever.
No matter how dark a situation seems, no matter how much hate and evil there seems to be, if we light a candle of love and light, the darkness should be defeated .

But what happens if instead of regular darkness we are dealing with a Black Hole … a darkness of a whole different Nature. A Black Hole simply swallows up everything that enters it.
What if instead of the normal darkness of hate and evil we are dealing with a Black Hole of hate and evil. No matter how many candles of love and light we ignite, their light will simple be swallowed up, devoured, disappear within the Black Hole of hatred and evil.

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Quiet Skies at Last

This is the way I’ve been feeling over these past difficult weeks. That not only here in this troubled region, but it seems the world over, we are facing a form of hatred and evil that no amount of love and light can defeat. Our candles, our offerings, our desires for peace extended in love, are simply devoured by the Black Hole of hatred and evil which seems to have descended  upon the world.

I pray to God daily for the strength not to hate in return. It is difficult to say the least and quite unsettling to the soul.

May love and light once again enlighten the darkness the world finds itself lost in at this time.

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Tranquility in the Midst of Turmoil

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Loving an Illusion

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I loved an illusion which I very cleverly created and sustained for 2 1/2 years. I finally was blessedly jolted into reality, and once the illusion was shattered, there was nothing left to love.

It was surprising and confusing at first, but definitely not painful. I loved deeply and truly with my whole heart, my whole body , my whole spirit, and it was glorious.

I learned important lessons about myself and relationships which will serve me well in the future, and I will be eternally grateful for them. But once the lessons were successfully learned, there was no longer a need for the illusion, and it dissipated before my very eyes.

I will never be the same for having gone through this beautiful experience and am definitely a better person for it-more open, capable of loving fully and receiving love fully, without Fear.

I am supremely and eternally grateful for these gifts

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with Love Light and JOY

Jane

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A True Blessing

TRUE LOVE.jpeg
True Love – Loving fully and without fear, will never leave you empty, in pain and broken, but enriched and rewarded. It is a blessing from above which is just that-a blessing!
Even when the person must leave your life for some reason, the blessings he brought into your life while you were together, remain. Your heart is not broken beyond repair…It is simply confused.
Once the confusion clears-in its own time-your heart will remain as strong and open to receive new love as it was before. And once it is ready, new love will easily find its way to you, and into your heart.

With Love Light and JOY

Jane

 

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Cleansing and Mourning Process Gratefully Accepted

heal in your own time and your own way

I’ve been through a difficult frustrating week of what I now realize is a final cleansing and mourning process. Felt the flu coming on so attacked it full force with my ayurvedic herbal preparations. I felt no flu like symptoms per se except for weakness. So basically I didn’t really suffer much during the cleansing process but was frustrated in that I had to cancel all my plans for lots of dancing this week. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday! 😦 …but I am looking at it all compassionately and acceptingly and finally today I am beginning to feel better. But this could NOT happen until I hit rock bottom today, even cried, and eventually realized that if things had worked out differently, I would have been celebrating my ex’s birthday all throughout this weekend. Once I allowed myself to accept my feelings, to acknowledge and validate them, I began to feel better. No matter how sure we are that we have made the right decision, no matter how at peace we are with that decision, accepting the feelings that accompany it are all part of the cleansing and healing process. Give yourself permission to feel, to be sad, to cry, to mourn…and when your strength, energy and vitality return, you will know you are ready to healthily move on.

not getting what you want

I am missing him, and that is natural and normal, but not feeling bad about it…actually, not even sad but more acceptingly grateful that I was given the courage to be strong enough to end a relationship with someone who was not worth my loving him or worthy of my love. However difficult this is to do, the sense of relief I am feeling more than compensates for the loss I am feeling. I feel blessed to be in this place, at this moment, and know something so much better is finding its way to me. I am open and ready for it. I am truly blessed. I’ve learned valuable and important lessons from this past relationship and truly  experienced deep and powerful love for the first time. It was quite miraculous  and I am most grateful for being given this lovely and truly pleasurable learning experience. With all its difficulties, I would not have wanted to miss it for a moment.

i deserve better

I have lost something that I truly wanted in my life

But it was something that was not healthy for me and I am eternally grateful to you for giving me the strength to end it

weight and release

And now….smilingly waiting for whatever new and beautiful experience awaits me.

with much love light and JOY

Jane

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May these Sabbath Lights bring with them the blessings of Light, Love, Joy and Tranquility to your whole week.

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When the Shoe Doesn’t Fit

imagesHave you ever fallen in love with a shoe you saw in a store window only to find that when you tried it on it didn’t fit?  Was so uncomfortable that it was painful to slide your foot into it.  But because you loved it so much, you bought it anyway, figuring you could “break it in” over time? That if you wore it long enough it would come to suit your foot?
My ex understood long before I did that if the shoe doesn’t fit, no matter how much you love it and want to enjoy wearing it, it will never be possible and will only bring discomfort, pain and misery each time you try to wear it again.  No matter how or what you try to do to make it more comfortable, to fit better, it doesn’t work.  You can put it back in the closet and leave it there for awhile, wear different sox with it, put Band-Aids on to cushion the sore spots, have it stretched, try walking differently, wear them only when you don’t have to stand on them, no matter how hard you try, those shoes are never going to fit.

What you need is to try a similar shoe from the same company,or a different size or width or style, and perhaps you will find something which suits you.
My ex knew I did not suit him and no matter how much he loved me, and he most certainly did, in the most beautiful and complete way  possible, that he could not stay in a relationship with me and continue to live a harmonic, tranquil and healthy life. No matter how much he wanted me in his life, by continuing to wear a shoe that did not fit would only bring pain and misery.
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I thought he didn’t love me enough and was giving up too easily.  I believed, that even though I knew for sure he did not suit me, did not fit, that BECAUSE I loved him so much, if I worked hard enough at it and didn’t give up, eventually we could be in a relationship. I thought I was being the better one in the relationship…because I was not giving up easily and fighting for what I was sure was a once in a lifetime, never to be found again blessing.    It took me a long time and a lot of bandaid wearing to realize how right he was…and that he didn’t give up because he didn’t love me enough, but because he realized the futility of trying to wear a shoe that doesn’t fit.
There will always be another beautiful shoe waiting  and this time you will know that it must fit from the beginning or you will never be able to break it in. I had to come to this realization before I could truly move beyond the pain and heartbreak. I am not sorry for all the months I tried as they were part of an important learning process for me, as well as a necessary cleansing period for me. And another important lesson for me in life has now been successfully learned and I am grateful for finally being able to understand it.
What we’ve done since then, to my great joy and surprise, is find a suitable model of the shoe which works for us.  We’ve gone back to a basic open sandal, with nothing painful confining the foot.  Pretty much just the soul  (sole) of the shoe and a light strap to keep it in place.
We’ve gone back to being partners for folkdancing, with none of the confines and complications of an unsuitable and impossible relationship to take away from the sheer joy and pleasure of dancing together…and THIS shoe fits us perfectly.

dancing 2
I will wait patiently and with an open heart for the shoe that truly fits to find its way to me.  I believe that the romantic stirrings of my heart, which my ex truly awakened in me for the first time in my life, without fear and in complete acceptance and joy (one of the greatest gifts he has given me) will now find their way out to the Universe and great love will be delivered to me at the time,and in the way,which is most suitable and “fitting”.  And that I will be open to embrace it in complete Freedom from Fear.
Life is good
with love light and JOY
Jane

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“Getting lost in love” is truly not a healthy way to “be” in love-or to love someone.

freedom-being you

Since the ending of my relationship with Y  just 3 weeks ago I’ve had many ups and downs, mostly ups to be honest, some doubts but none of them serious, some thoughts about my own ability to be IN a relationship at all (not just THIS particular one, ANY one), and all those thoughts and doubts have also proven themselves to be unfounded and lacking any truth. (took some deep inner work to figure this out, lots of prayer, meditation and guidance,but it was well worth the effort).

To finally understand that freedom to be completely yourself is possible WITHIN a relationship when that relationship is with the right person.

My relationship with Y was an amazing roller coaster ride, in which I soared to the highest peaks and fell sickeningly to the lowest places possible (literally-with more health issues than I’ve experienced in all the past 20 years put together)!  But I was tossed into this relationship unexpectedly and by surprise,  by God and the Universe, once again in order to learn more about myself and my being with a partner.  The school of life literally never ends, but some courses are easier and some are much more difficult to get through.

Y was a loving and caring teacher and he succeeded in teaching me more than anyone has in the past – including my parents, my friends, even my children.  I will always remember him with deep love for this role he played in my life.  But the biggest lesson, and one which has been plaguing me my whole life, was something I still had to learn on my own, and it wasn’t until the relationship was ended, that the AHA! Moment came.

Actually, my soul understood the problem almost from the beginning of the relationship 1 1/2 years ago, but I refused to listen!  (As we very often do).  And when I DID begin listening, and tried to blend with my soul’s understandings of what was “right” for me, this became the catalyst , or CAUSE of the relationship finally coming to an end.  But I did not see this until just a few days ago!  🙂

I once again realized that I had fallen back into my old habits of behavior while in a relationship.  I was still unable to be  WITH someone else and still be with myself as well.  I again found myself “loosing myself-getting lost-denying my own essence” in the process of being together with another. I found myself, for many reasons, going with the flow (the partner’s flow to be more precise) but in almost no way was this flow good for me.

And I actually thought I was enjoying the ride!!

In the first instance, a lifetime ago it seems, I had strong reasons to continue “going with the flow”…a large and growing family to take care of, long time friendship and loving times with my husband, a life style which was comfortable, pleasant and comforting, etc., etc.

Over 20 years later, ( and after many similar situations) I still found good reasons for “going with the flow” : a deep, soul wrenching, almost paralyzing love which could not be denied and was a great joy, blessing and privilege to have experienced, especially at my advanced age and after waiting so many years to find.

But it was still not a good enough reason to loose myself.

“Getting lost in love” is truly not a healthy way to “be” in love-or to love someone.

It is self destructive and self-sabotaging in the end and no relationship can be healthily sustained with this type of loving.

Only when it came to a point of exploding, or “imploding” on me, did I begin the process of trying to “retrieve” myself.  But this is so unfair to the other person.  They only know you as you presented yourself to them and they have no way of knowing how much you are denying your own needs and desires in order to be with them.  And when they DO find out that you need to be someone other than they thought you were, they very well may be unable, or unwilling to make the effort needed to “go with YOUR flow”.

Leaving his own comfort zone any further to continue to be with me, was something which Y was either incapable of doing, or simply unwilling to do to stay with me.  His own words were “The car is not worth the price!!”

So, the trick is to learn to be ME always, not to loose the essence of who I am no matter how much I love another and want to be with him. Not to accommodate my needs to fit the other person’s comfort zone without having him do the same for me.  If he is not able to be with me as I truly am, or not strong enough to be with me as I truly am, then we are not meant to be together.

When the person comes along who is secure enough in his OWN being to be with me, and to be worthy of me as I truly am, we will be able to live happily ever after.  And I believe it will still happen.

I am worth the effort needed by another to go with “my” flow as well.  To leave his own comfort zone as much as I need to leave mine.

And to find together a new place which is OUR comfort zone.

I believe this is possible.

I have Faith that this will happen and the memories of the deep soul love I felt with Y will always be with me.  Knowing that such love is possible between two people was one of the great blessings of this relationship. Finding this powerful love with the right person for me, is the next part of the journey, and I know things are already in place to manifest this new joyful miracle.

with love light and JOY

Jane

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Always, but always, listen to your inner voice. It will never steer you in the wrong direction.

hard decisions

“The Soul Always Knows What to do to Heal Itself. The Challenge is to Silence the Mind”

My life has been turned up side down and inside out with the ending of a relationship. There was every logical reason in the world to continue with the relationship…it appeared to be all a relationship should and could be.  But deep down inside, for many months now, I have been hearing a small voice telling me “it is not meant to be”.  You may remember all the posts about the improbable series of “same card” events (and since the last time I wrote, which was the 5th time it had happened, it has happened TWO MORE TIMES).

Well, this was all part of the Universe doing its bit to get me to pay attention to what my soul has known for a long time, but my mind was trying to prove it “knew better”.

IT DOESN’T NOT WORK!  EVER!

We cause ourselves unnecessary suffering and grief when we choose to “not hear” or insist that what we do hear cannot be right.  We start second guessing that inner wisdom, only to find, once more, that it was right all along.

Will it be different next time?  I’d like to think it will…but we are only human beings.  And in many instances we are not top students in the school of life.

So next time will bring its own lessons, and only time will tell how easily they will be learned.

Life is good.  I am blessed to have had this relationship and blessed by all it has taught me about myself.  It has changed me for the better and I am a happier person for having been in the relationship.  We just had completely different expectations and needs from a relationship and nothing could make that great difference in perspective change.

I am deeply grateful for the wonderful man who charged surprisingly into my life, turned things around and upside down and brought me to this new place in my life, far richer than I was before he came along. He taught me things about myself, showed me things about myself, which I have never before been willing to learn or see-no matter who tried to teach me. Leaving has been one of the THE most difficult things I have ever been guided to do in my life, but I have nothing but beautiful memories to cherish forever, and hopefully, over time, we will be able to get to the place where we can be friends.

with much LOVE, Light and JOY

Jane

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Only Love-The Message Continues

Following the Card Reading from several days ago, I have been meditating seriously on several issues and asking for further guidance or wisdom.

I just received the following message:

ONLY love can bring good things into this world and into our lives. If we deny our soul’s desires and needs, we block out its light. We become dark and dull…We no longer shine from outside…we have no true joy or happiness…… your soul is now rejoicing and your face is bright with smiles and the glow of happiness…whatever awaits you waits to be seen, but you KNOW all will be well!

I am truly blessed!!  🙂

with love light and JOY

Jane

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