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Posts Tagged ‘lessons’


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Like riding in an ambulance for the first time? Being wheeled into and out of strange mechanical devices that blink and whir? Eating” new” food? Sleeping in a bed you can move up and down with a lever? Receiving magical potions which relieve pain instantly? Ooohhhh….how exciting! What an adventure! So grateful for the opportunity to experience all these new things! 🙂

Might sound like I’m being sarcastic but this was indeed an important lesson in gratitude

Just for today I will experience all things in complete joy, gratitude, acceptance, Faith and Freedom from Fear

With love light and joy

Jane

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When the Shoe Doesn’t Fit

imagesHave you ever fallen in love with a shoe you saw in a store window only to find that when you tried it on it didn’t fit?  Was so uncomfortable that it was painful to slide your foot into it.  But because you loved it so much, you bought it anyway, figuring you could “break it in” over time? That if you wore it long enough it would come to suit your foot?
My ex understood long before I did that if the shoe doesn’t fit, no matter how much you love it and want to enjoy wearing it, it will never be possible and will only bring discomfort, pain and misery each time you try to wear it again.  No matter how or what you try to do to make it more comfortable, to fit better, it doesn’t work.  You can put it back in the closet and leave it there for awhile, wear different sox with it, put Band-Aids on to cushion the sore spots, have it stretched, try walking differently, wear them only when you don’t have to stand on them, no matter how hard you try, those shoes are never going to fit.

What you need is to try a similar shoe from the same company,or a different size or width or style, and perhaps you will find something which suits you.
My ex knew I did not suit him and no matter how much he loved me, and he most certainly did, in the most beautiful and complete way  possible, that he could not stay in a relationship with me and continue to live a harmonic, tranquil and healthy life. No matter how much he wanted me in his life, by continuing to wear a shoe that did not fit would only bring pain and misery.
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I thought he didn’t love me enough and was giving up too easily.  I believed, that even though I knew for sure he did not suit me, did not fit, that BECAUSE I loved him so much, if I worked hard enough at it and didn’t give up, eventually we could be in a relationship. I thought I was being the better one in the relationship…because I was not giving up easily and fighting for what I was sure was a once in a lifetime, never to be found again blessing.    It took me a long time and a lot of bandaid wearing to realize how right he was…and that he didn’t give up because he didn’t love me enough, but because he realized the futility of trying to wear a shoe that doesn’t fit.
There will always be another beautiful shoe waiting  and this time you will know that it must fit from the beginning or you will never be able to break it in. I had to come to this realization before I could truly move beyond the pain and heartbreak. I am not sorry for all the months I tried as they were part of an important learning process for me, as well as a necessary cleansing period for me. And another important lesson for me in life has now been successfully learned and I am grateful for finally being able to understand it.
What we’ve done since then, to my great joy and surprise, is find a suitable model of the shoe which works for us.  We’ve gone back to a basic open sandal, with nothing painful confining the foot.  Pretty much just the soul  (sole) of the shoe and a light strap to keep it in place.
We’ve gone back to being partners for folkdancing, with none of the confines and complications of an unsuitable and impossible relationship to take away from the sheer joy and pleasure of dancing together…and THIS shoe fits us perfectly.

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I will wait patiently and with an open heart for the shoe that truly fits to find its way to me.  I believe that the romantic stirrings of my heart, which my ex truly awakened in me for the first time in my life, without fear and in complete acceptance and joy (one of the greatest gifts he has given me) will now find their way out to the Universe and great love will be delivered to me at the time,and in the way,which is most suitable and “fitting”.  And that I will be open to embrace it in complete Freedom from Fear.
Life is good
with love light and JOY
Jane

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Life’s Detours, Their Blessings and Lessons

 This being a difficult week for me has brought me blessings as well. I have been thinking of my parents a lot and following a comment on my recent post “Letting Go”, found myself guided to reread the blog I originally wrote in Memory of my father In Memoriam .  While reading the blog, I was drawn to the following post, and thought it appropriate for this blog at this time.  Since my not being in India this year (the only reason this current blog came into being at all) is also one of life’s detours, similar to the one described below, I felt it worth sharing.  It is a kind of coming full circle.  Would love to hear any stories  YOU may have regarding detours, blessings and lessons along the journey.  Hope you enjoy the post below as well.

October 14, 2006 (2 days before my Father’s Passing)

This Post also originally appeared on my Mindfulness Journal but I am including it here, with some editing, as it is part of the story…and certainly proves how important it is to follow our heart when making decisions…if we are connected with, and attuned to our soul, we can never go wrong!

My life has taken a detour, again (what we perceive as a detour in our journey, is only OUR understanding of the turn of events. Truth is, things are unfolding exactly as they should and all things occur as they are meant to at the moment in the Universal plan of things)…and has, at the same time, given me the opportunity for further growth through new lessons learned. When one is forced to take a detour on a planned journey, it does not mean that he cannot enjoy the scenery on the new route. Perhaps pleasant scenery is not part of this detour for me, but certainly blessings to be found and lessons to be learned are.

I am, at the moment, NOT in India as planned. As things worked out, two days before my scheduled flight, I canceled my plans.

I had every intention of going to India to revive my spirit, recharge my batteries so to speak and gather new and fresh energies to help me continue caring for my ailing father, and give support to my Mother at this most difficult of times in her life.

However, the situation being what it is, I simply could not have achieved any of these goals in India due to the deterioration in my father’s health and the need to be here at this time. I would have been unable to release to the magical powers of the Mountains and it would have been a simple waste of time and money.

It is my privilege to be here now and help in any way I can to make my father’s passing as easy as possible and provide support to my Mother at the same time. I will not go into detail (for reasons I will write about shortly), beyond saying that my father has not been granted an easy and dignified end to his life. It is truly amazing to witness the power of fear, concern, worry and guilt, and how they can keep a soul, already cleansed and ready to depart, prisoner in a physical vessel which is, for all intent and purposes, no longer “living”.

I myself have entered a new stage in my relationship with my father, just as lovers do when the dimension of physical intimacy is added to their relationship. It changes things forever in ways that cannot be described in words. If the relationship is a truly loving one, the new intimacy is profound and felt well beyond the physical level-as deep as can be-two souls meet and commune and become one. And in the same way that these lovers would want to share the essence of their new relationship without sharing the intimate physical details, so I myself have found it fitting NOT to share the technical details of the my father’s condition- not to go into the very intimate details of my father’s last days, but will just say that the essence of this added dimension to my relationship with him, the wonder and new depth in our relationship is a gift beyond words.

This is the blessing this detour has given me with my father.

To see his physical distress, pain and frustration, to feel his raw emotional distress and anguish, is probably the most difficult lesson I have had to endure so far in my life. To watch this gentle loving man go through this lingering, undignified end to a proud and honorable life is almost beyond endurance. My helplessness is unbearable at times-the frailty of the physical body vs. the tenacity and strength of the mind, and our thoughts and beliefs, incomprehensible. The will and determination of the human mind to survive in the physical is beyond rationale, especially when the body in its physical form has just about completely shut down.

I do my best to comfort him with Reiki when he is willing to accept these loving energies, as he is granted respite from his physical and emotional torment. There is a visible change in his entire facade, his breathing, his muscle tone and he seems to enter a state of complete relaxation and release. However, he very often refuses to receive Reiki. His fears overwhelm him…he is drowning in fear, the fear that if he relaxes his grip for a moment on his physical reality, “something” will happen. What that something is he is unaware of, but the fear prevents him from allowing himself the luxury of release.

Like many Western people, my father has never talked about, or even thought of, Death and certainly has never contemplated his own passing. He has no concept of “soul” and the only thing which is real for him is the physical realm. He has never questioned his own mortality or the essence of the soul vs. the physical body needed to keep that soul here on Earth. And as a result, he is paralyzed by fear, of the unknown, of his own helplessness in his situation, by the complete breakdown of everything physical, and yet the rational mind will not, or is incapable of, giving in or releasing its grip. The only thing we can do now is to keep him as comfortable as possible for as long as necessary for him to finish his own processes. For those lucky enough to feel no fear of passing over, the final moment becomes a peaceful one-but for those who are completely unprepared, the need to cling to the familiar, to the physical, is overwhelming.

This is a lesson which challenges my beliefs to the core, and to my great joy, I find my beliefs unshakably strong . That knowledge is reassuring and I am most grateful to God and to the Universe for allowing me once again to be in a difficult and unsettling situation which COULD have shattered all I’ve held to be true. For allowing me to look in the mirror , see my professed beliefs held up for scrutiny, and still find them steadfast.

All DOES happen for our Higher Good, ALL things are a blessing, and the human mind, our intentions, our thoughts, CAN and DO make seemingly impossible things happen on a physical level.

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Lessons learned the hard way, may be the best lessons we have, but life would be simpler if we didn’t need them to figure things out.

Sometimes, you need to be alone. Not to be lonely, but to enjoy the free time just being yourself.

 

Y. asked me awhile ago why I couldn’t bring whatever it is I have in India back home with me.  No matter how hard I tried, something was always missing.  I made a great effort at keeping the same relaxing pace in my life, and that usually worked, taking things easily, not letting things “get to me”, and of taking my daily walks, doing my morning practice, etc., but it was far from bringing India back with me.  It took awhile to understand what was still missing, but I eventually understood what the difference was of being alone in India vs. being here with my family, friends, partner, etc.

The true luxury of being able to think only of what I want to do each morning as I wake up – not what I need to do or should do – and if I decide to change my plans suddenly during the day, I don’t have to consult anyone other than myself.  This is not to say I sit around all day doing nothing there – far from it.  I have a busier social life than I do here, I work more than I do here, and am out and about much more than I am here (and if you are interested in seeing what I do there-you can check out my India Journal:   http://janesindiajournals.wordpress.com   ) While in India, I DO work, and DO have friend, DO have a full life, but it is always pretty much on my own terms, and according to my own wants and desires-not according to must, should or have to.  I have a very active and productive life there, but always on my own terms following the dictates of my soul – my inner voice-my own truth knowing what is exactly right for me at each moment.

Not being in India for a few months this year to regain my balance has taken its toll in many ways.  But it wasn’t until I was “hit” with pneumonia (following many minor illnesses, knee problems which kept me from my dancing and my yoga-(2 of my greatest joys) – eating problems resulting in severe weight loss, and more) that i finally realized what was happening.

I have just spent the past week or so, and still have a few days to go yet before I am completely well enough to go back to my “regular” routine-just spent this time joyfully and gratefully doing only what I want to do  – no  “need to do“, no “should do“, no “have to do“.  there will be plenty of time for all that soon enough.

But this short respite has been a true blessing for me and I’ve enjoyed every moment (am still enjoying) – (once of course I lovingly gave myself permission to be ill) without having to find “reasons” or “excuses” for saying “NO”, or not doing all the things I “should be”.  God sent me the excuse in the form of an illness which no one could argue with – You have pneumonia-you simply rest and take care of yourself-period.

It’s been a wonderful period of time-short-but lovely. And  although it is still not India, it was the “break” I needed to begin working my way slowly back to balance on all levels.

I’ve receive many lovely messages about things to come – on all levels of my personal life journey as well as my dealings with my friends, relatives, partner and clients.

It’s been a profound lesson.  If I simply could have declared a two-week “just for me vacation” a couple of months ago, as my soul was screaming out to me at the time, I wouldn’t have had to go through the difficulties I have been having health wise.

But how many people can just say

“Stop the world –I want to get off”,

and actually do it without having something come along to force them to?  Could You? Do You?

with love light and JOY

Jane

 

 

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