Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for the ‘Manifesting’ Category


When the Shoe Doesn’t Fit

imagesHave you ever fallen in love with a shoe you saw in a store window only to find that when you tried it on it didn’t fit?  Was so uncomfortable that it was painful to slide your foot into it.  But because you loved it so much, you bought it anyway, figuring you could “break it in” over time? That if you wore it long enough it would come to suit your foot?
My ex understood long before I did that if the shoe doesn’t fit, no matter how much you love it and want to enjoy wearing it, it will never be possible and will only bring discomfort, pain and misery each time you try to wear it again.  No matter how or what you try to do to make it more comfortable, to fit better, it doesn’t work.  You can put it back in the closet and leave it there for awhile, wear different sox with it, put Band-Aids on to cushion the sore spots, have it stretched, try walking differently, wear them only when you don’t have to stand on them, no matter how hard you try, those shoes are never going to fit.

What you need is to try a similar shoe from the same company,or a different size or width or style, and perhaps you will find something which suits you.
My ex knew I did not suit him and no matter how much he loved me, and he most certainly did, in the most beautiful and complete way  possible, that he could not stay in a relationship with me and continue to live a harmonic, tranquil and healthy life. No matter how much he wanted me in his life, by continuing to wear a shoe that did not fit would only bring pain and misery.
931166_10151442808541545_356506539_n
I thought he didn’t love me enough and was giving up too easily.  I believed, that even though I knew for sure he did not suit me, did not fit, that BECAUSE I loved him so much, if I worked hard enough at it and didn’t give up, eventually we could be in a relationship. I thought I was being the better one in the relationship…because I was not giving up easily and fighting for what I was sure was a once in a lifetime, never to be found again blessing.    It took me a long time and a lot of bandaid wearing to realize how right he was…and that he didn’t give up because he didn’t love me enough, but because he realized the futility of trying to wear a shoe that doesn’t fit.
There will always be another beautiful shoe waiting  and this time you will know that it must fit from the beginning or you will never be able to break it in. I had to come to this realization before I could truly move beyond the pain and heartbreak. I am not sorry for all the months I tried as they were part of an important learning process for me, as well as a necessary cleansing period for me. And another important lesson for me in life has now been successfully learned and I am grateful for finally being able to understand it.
What we’ve done since then, to my great joy and surprise, is find a suitable model of the shoe which works for us.  We’ve gone back to a basic open sandal, with nothing painful confining the foot.  Pretty much just the soul  (sole) of the shoe and a light strap to keep it in place.
We’ve gone back to being partners for folkdancing, with none of the confines and complications of an unsuitable and impossible relationship to take away from the sheer joy and pleasure of dancing together…and THIS shoe fits us perfectly.

dancing 2
I will wait patiently and with an open heart for the shoe that truly fits to find its way to me.  I believe that the romantic stirrings of my heart, which my ex truly awakened in me for the first time in my life, without fear and in complete acceptance and joy (one of the greatest gifts he has given me) will now find their way out to the Universe and great love will be delivered to me at the time,and in the way,which is most suitable and “fitting”.  And that I will be open to embrace it in complete Freedom from Fear.
Life is good
with love light and JOY
Jane

Advertisements

Read Full Post »


“Getting lost in love” is truly not a healthy way to “be” in love-or to love someone.

freedom-being you

Since the ending of my relationship with Y  just 3 weeks ago I’ve had many ups and downs, mostly ups to be honest, some doubts but none of them serious, some thoughts about my own ability to be IN a relationship at all (not just THIS particular one, ANY one), and all those thoughts and doubts have also proven themselves to be unfounded and lacking any truth. (took some deep inner work to figure this out, lots of prayer, meditation and guidance,but it was well worth the effort).

To finally understand that freedom to be completely yourself is possible WITHIN a relationship when that relationship is with the right person.

My relationship with Y was an amazing roller coaster ride, in which I soared to the highest peaks and fell sickeningly to the lowest places possible (literally-with more health issues than I’ve experienced in all the past 20 years put together)!  But I was tossed into this relationship unexpectedly and by surprise,  by God and the Universe, once again in order to learn more about myself and my being with a partner.  The school of life literally never ends, but some courses are easier and some are much more difficult to get through.

Y was a loving and caring teacher and he succeeded in teaching me more than anyone has in the past – including my parents, my friends, even my children.  I will always remember him with deep love for this role he played in my life.  But the biggest lesson, and one which has been plaguing me my whole life, was something I still had to learn on my own, and it wasn’t until the relationship was ended, that the AHA! Moment came.

Actually, my soul understood the problem almost from the beginning of the relationship 1 1/2 years ago, but I refused to listen!  (As we very often do).  And when I DID begin listening, and tried to blend with my soul’s understandings of what was “right” for me, this became the catalyst , or CAUSE of the relationship finally coming to an end.  But I did not see this until just a few days ago!  🙂

I once again realized that I had fallen back into my old habits of behavior while in a relationship.  I was still unable to be  WITH someone else and still be with myself as well.  I again found myself “loosing myself-getting lost-denying my own essence” in the process of being together with another. I found myself, for many reasons, going with the flow (the partner’s flow to be more precise) but in almost no way was this flow good for me.

And I actually thought I was enjoying the ride!!

In the first instance, a lifetime ago it seems, I had strong reasons to continue “going with the flow”…a large and growing family to take care of, long time friendship and loving times with my husband, a life style which was comfortable, pleasant and comforting, etc., etc.

Over 20 years later, ( and after many similar situations) I still found good reasons for “going with the flow” : a deep, soul wrenching, almost paralyzing love which could not be denied and was a great joy, blessing and privilege to have experienced, especially at my advanced age and after waiting so many years to find.

But it was still not a good enough reason to loose myself.

“Getting lost in love” is truly not a healthy way to “be” in love-or to love someone.

It is self destructive and self-sabotaging in the end and no relationship can be healthily sustained with this type of loving.

Only when it came to a point of exploding, or “imploding” on me, did I begin the process of trying to “retrieve” myself.  But this is so unfair to the other person.  They only know you as you presented yourself to them and they have no way of knowing how much you are denying your own needs and desires in order to be with them.  And when they DO find out that you need to be someone other than they thought you were, they very well may be unable, or unwilling to make the effort needed to “go with YOUR flow”.

Leaving his own comfort zone any further to continue to be with me, was something which Y was either incapable of doing, or simply unwilling to do to stay with me.  His own words were “The car is not worth the price!!”

So, the trick is to learn to be ME always, not to loose the essence of who I am no matter how much I love another and want to be with him. Not to accommodate my needs to fit the other person’s comfort zone without having him do the same for me.  If he is not able to be with me as I truly am, or not strong enough to be with me as I truly am, then we are not meant to be together.

When the person comes along who is secure enough in his OWN being to be with me, and to be worthy of me as I truly am, we will be able to live happily ever after.  And I believe it will still happen.

I am worth the effort needed by another to go with “my” flow as well.  To leave his own comfort zone as much as I need to leave mine.

And to find together a new place which is OUR comfort zone.

I believe this is possible.

I have Faith that this will happen and the memories of the deep soul love I felt with Y will always be with me.  Knowing that such love is possible between two people was one of the great blessings of this relationship. Finding this powerful love with the right person for me, is the next part of the journey, and I know things are already in place to manifest this new joyful miracle.

with love light and JOY

Jane

Read Full Post »


People Along the Ghats in Rishikesh and Varanassi

saddhu

I have begun my preparations for my upcoming trip to India and will be posting on the India Journal Blog from now on.  So if you are interested in following my adventures, trials, treatments, inspirations and magic during a very short trip this time (just about 6 weeks), you are invited to follow me at:   http://janesindiajournals.wordpress.com

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

I will begin, for the time being, a series of photo posts .  I usually photograph and post landscape and Nature photos, but realized that I also have lots of  “people pictures” and have decided to share my favorites with you.  I will be posting the first ones here for those of you who have not yet found your way to the other blog, but hope you will continue to follow the series there:  enjoy the slideshow above or click on the  images below to see full size photos.  🙂

SEE YOU IN INDIA!!

Read Full Post »


Ganga View from Laxman Jhula Ghats

Ganga View from Laxman Jhula Ghats

As you have already seen in the previous post which was reblogged from Cauldrons and Cupcakes, I have begun a 30 day Gratitude Challenge.  Please understand, that I practice living in an attitude of gratitude each and every moment, and give thanks, in detail each night before I go to sleep for all the blessings of the previous day.  I’ve written before about the importance of Gratitude in manifesting a new reality, etc., and you can see many of these posts if you check out the “gratitude” links in the tag cloud.  One for example would be this one:

https://notinindia2012.wordpress.com/2012/02/06/leveraging-the-universe-manifesting-reality/  but there are many others.

Joining this new challenge with many other people however, increases the energies sent out to the Universe and helps to focus even more on the blessings and miracles we are given each and every day.  Hope you will join us all.. (see previous post for more details)

However, as you might have noticed, this blog has been in “retreat mode” for awhile now.  The reason being that I find myself more and more listless – some of this due to the really difficult summer weather, but much of it having to do with my not being in India for so long.  In past years, I was never out of India for more than 6-8 months at a time…but for many technical reasons, I was unable to go last year and it has now been a year and 4 months (and there are still over 2 months to go!!) that I have been away.  It has taken its toll on many levels, including my physical health.  The Ayurvedic Panchakarma treatments I do each year have been keeping my arthritis at bay for 5 years now. A few months ago, the condition reawakened with a vengeance.  I still have a few months to wait before beginning my treatments again, and pain as a constant is quite debilitating to say the least.

But more than that, is my Spirit, my Soul, feeling deep longings for all that India brings to me.  It is not something I can describe in words, but it is no different than deep longings for a special love who is far away.  Life continues as usual, but a certain zest and enthusiasm is missing as I move through my days.  Almost like being in a robotic state.

One of things I do is treat myself as often as possible (actually, almost every day) to India style cooking.  Just an example from this week:  Subji (Indian style cooked vegetables), garlic/ginger rice with turmeric, and sprouted mung beans.

Subji, garlic ginger turmeric rice sprouted mung beans

Don’t get me wrong…I am blessed with amazing joys and miracles and am grateful for all the wondrous things which are part of my life.   So many things to be thankful for, perhaps the greatest gift of the past year being my lover, friend, soulmate who I have waited 65 years in this lifetime, and several past lifetimes to meet again!

But …and here is the but…. it is still difficult for me being away for India for so long.  I have worked at getting past this for several months now, but truth be told, I have decided to accept it.  It is impossible to fight any longer, and the fight has taken too much of my energy.  So….

I am blessed and grateful for ALL the wonder and joy and magic in my life…no question whatsoever here

BUT…I MISS INDIA TERRIBLY AND THE NEXT COUPLE OF MONTHS WILL HOPEFULLY GO BY QUICKLY

For now, I will end…but do hope you will join me and many others in the Gratitude Challenge…and also hope you will understand that it is possible to be joyful and grateful while still missing certain things along the way.  Acceptance of all things as they happen is of the essence in leading a content and tranquil existence,  and this is , of course, our own choice:  Remember the Secret of Happiness in this post: 

https://notinindia2012.wordpress.com/2012/04/18/the-secret-of-happiness/

…and make your choices each and every day to be in that place – No matter how many “buts” there may still be in your life.

with love light and JOY

Jane

Read Full Post »


BACK to India 2012 🙂

Ram Jhula

I have once again been blessed.  A long series of synchronicities   have come together to bring me to this wonderful place where I have once again been able to reserve my tickets back to India!  I will be arriving back in Rishikesh on October 10th, and although my stay will be shorter than usual, I will still have time to do my full Panchakarma treatments and of course visit with all my wonderful friends there in Rishikesh.

Waiting for Lunch on a Cold Winters Day

LAXMAN JHULA

I probably will not have the the time I had hoped for to visit friends in other places, like Delhi and Dehradun, but perhaps they will also find their way to me in Rishikesh. I already know that a couple of good friends from other parts of the world who I have not had the pleasure of seeing in a few years, will also be in Rishikesh at the same time I will be there.  And for the first time, I am also traveling together with a friend from home.  It is her first time in India and I know it will awe and please her as it has me.

And, as always:

I leave  the “how’s” and all of the rest to God and His loving Universe to work out.

Ganga Sunset Over Ram Jhula

I experience all as it comes to me in complete acceptance, joy, gratitude and freedom from fear.

Below some further photos of just a few of my previous adventures and contented days in Rishikesh in case you feel like seeing them:

Bike Ride to Kuncha Devi Temple

My rooftop room, New Bhandari Swiss Cottage Rishikesh

Although it is still several months before I am back in this wonderful place, I am already feeling the calming energies finding their way to me.  Life is good!!!

On the way up to Neelkant Waterfall Rishikesh

Rafting Camp Along Ganga

One of Favorite Winter Suits

reflections on the ganga

I will eventually go back to posting on my India Journal Blog, but for now, I will still be with you here.

BACK TO INDIA 2012!!

with love light and JOY

Jane

Read Full Post »


The More You Give the More You Get!

The Casino

The Casino

I have written in the past, both on this blog and on my Mindfulness Journal, about Manifesting Dreams and Creating a New Reality.  Much of what we talk about, and read about these days deals with the Laws of Attraction and attracting what we want into our lives. There are some very basic techniques about how to go about doing this. You can find innumerable posts, articles, videos, books, lectures, workshops etc. regarding this whole “business”.

But one thing which is very often overlooked, or not given enough attention, is the simple idea that “like attracts like” – meaning, if you live in a mode of want, if you worry about what you don’t have, and worry about what you do have but might not have tomorrow….if you count your pennies because you are afraid you may not have enough tomorrow, if you live “frugally” to insure your having enough “when”….then you are actually defeating the purpose. The more you live in fear of not having, the more you save for a rainy day, the more you count each penny you spend, the more you are “careful” with what you have,  the more you will attract more of the same into your life.  You will always be afraid and probably for the reason that you don’t have enough, you will never have enough for a rainy day, you will continue counting pennies because you will never have more than pennies to count, and you will never have “more”, rather you will continue to have ‘less”.

The story below is an example of how giving freely, even if you don’t have “enough”, of giving lovingly and without fear of “not having” what you need if you’ve given to someone else, of sharing what you have with a full heart, attracts even more into your life.  People who live like this, even if it seems as if they have very little, will ALWAYS have what they need, whenever they need it.  I can tell you this from personal experience as well.  Once I got out of the “fear” mode and moved into the “free” mode, once I began giving lovingly, to others and myself, whenever I felt like it or needed to, I began experiencing all kinds of unexpected surprises of money finding its way into my life, free vacations coming my way, strange “coincidences” and of course no longer having to worry that I don’t have, or will not have, enough.

I recently posted the following on my Facebook page:

On my way to the train station and in the blink of an eye my travel plans have changed. As always, God and the Universe are looking out for me, and I have been sent an Amtrak ticket by an angel named M. so that I don’t have to travel by local commuter train where I would save $60 or more but would have to change trains, (I am carrying all my luggage) ,wait for trains and spend more than 2 hours riding what is less than a 1 hour actual trip. I am truly blessed! 😀

The angel was my cousin who I was going to visit and she lovingly paid for my Amtrak ticket, round trip, and did so with joy and happiness.  Two days ago, she took me “just for fun” to a casino near her home.  I just played out the $5 I was given as an incentive by the casino, and when I finished, she took over the machine I was playing,  After a couple of minutes of play, SHE WON $1000!!!!.  And that is how it works!

The Winnings

The Winnings

Give Lovingly and Joyfully to Yourself and Others!

Be Happy About  the Money You Spend, on yourself and others!

Believe that You Are Deserving of an Abundant Life

THE MORE YOU GIVE THE MORE YOU GET!

with love light and JOY

Jane

Read Full Post »


Life’s Detours, Their Blessings and Lessons

 This being a difficult week for me has brought me blessings as well. I have been thinking of my parents a lot and following a comment on my recent post “Letting Go”, found myself guided to reread the blog I originally wrote in Memory of my father In Memoriam .  While reading the blog, I was drawn to the following post, and thought it appropriate for this blog at this time.  Since my not being in India this year (the only reason this current blog came into being at all) is also one of life’s detours, similar to the one described below, I felt it worth sharing.  It is a kind of coming full circle.  Would love to hear any stories  YOU may have regarding detours, blessings and lessons along the journey.  Hope you enjoy the post below as well.

October 14, 2006 (2 days before my Father’s Passing)

This Post also originally appeared on my Mindfulness Journal but I am including it here, with some editing, as it is part of the story…and certainly proves how important it is to follow our heart when making decisions…if we are connected with, and attuned to our soul, we can never go wrong!

My life has taken a detour, again (what we perceive as a detour in our journey, is only OUR understanding of the turn of events. Truth is, things are unfolding exactly as they should and all things occur as they are meant to at the moment in the Universal plan of things)…and has, at the same time, given me the opportunity for further growth through new lessons learned. When one is forced to take a detour on a planned journey, it does not mean that he cannot enjoy the scenery on the new route. Perhaps pleasant scenery is not part of this detour for me, but certainly blessings to be found and lessons to be learned are.

I am, at the moment, NOT in India as planned. As things worked out, two days before my scheduled flight, I canceled my plans.

I had every intention of going to India to revive my spirit, recharge my batteries so to speak and gather new and fresh energies to help me continue caring for my ailing father, and give support to my Mother at this most difficult of times in her life.

However, the situation being what it is, I simply could not have achieved any of these goals in India due to the deterioration in my father’s health and the need to be here at this time. I would have been unable to release to the magical powers of the Mountains and it would have been a simple waste of time and money.

It is my privilege to be here now and help in any way I can to make my father’s passing as easy as possible and provide support to my Mother at the same time. I will not go into detail (for reasons I will write about shortly), beyond saying that my father has not been granted an easy and dignified end to his life. It is truly amazing to witness the power of fear, concern, worry and guilt, and how they can keep a soul, already cleansed and ready to depart, prisoner in a physical vessel which is, for all intent and purposes, no longer “living”.

I myself have entered a new stage in my relationship with my father, just as lovers do when the dimension of physical intimacy is added to their relationship. It changes things forever in ways that cannot be described in words. If the relationship is a truly loving one, the new intimacy is profound and felt well beyond the physical level-as deep as can be-two souls meet and commune and become one. And in the same way that these lovers would want to share the essence of their new relationship without sharing the intimate physical details, so I myself have found it fitting NOT to share the technical details of the my father’s condition- not to go into the very intimate details of my father’s last days, but will just say that the essence of this added dimension to my relationship with him, the wonder and new depth in our relationship is a gift beyond words.

This is the blessing this detour has given me with my father.

To see his physical distress, pain and frustration, to feel his raw emotional distress and anguish, is probably the most difficult lesson I have had to endure so far in my life. To watch this gentle loving man go through this lingering, undignified end to a proud and honorable life is almost beyond endurance. My helplessness is unbearable at times-the frailty of the physical body vs. the tenacity and strength of the mind, and our thoughts and beliefs, incomprehensible. The will and determination of the human mind to survive in the physical is beyond rationale, especially when the body in its physical form has just about completely shut down.

I do my best to comfort him with Reiki when he is willing to accept these loving energies, as he is granted respite from his physical and emotional torment. There is a visible change in his entire facade, his breathing, his muscle tone and he seems to enter a state of complete relaxation and release. However, he very often refuses to receive Reiki. His fears overwhelm him…he is drowning in fear, the fear that if he relaxes his grip for a moment on his physical reality, “something” will happen. What that something is he is unaware of, but the fear prevents him from allowing himself the luxury of release.

Like many Western people, my father has never talked about, or even thought of, Death and certainly has never contemplated his own passing. He has no concept of “soul” and the only thing which is real for him is the physical realm. He has never questioned his own mortality or the essence of the soul vs. the physical body needed to keep that soul here on Earth. And as a result, he is paralyzed by fear, of the unknown, of his own helplessness in his situation, by the complete breakdown of everything physical, and yet the rational mind will not, or is incapable of, giving in or releasing its grip. The only thing we can do now is to keep him as comfortable as possible for as long as necessary for him to finish his own processes. For those lucky enough to feel no fear of passing over, the final moment becomes a peaceful one-but for those who are completely unprepared, the need to cling to the familiar, to the physical, is overwhelming.

This is a lesson which challenges my beliefs to the core, and to my great joy, I find my beliefs unshakably strong . That knowledge is reassuring and I am most grateful to God and to the Universe for allowing me once again to be in a difficult and unsettling situation which COULD have shattered all I’ve held to be true. For allowing me to look in the mirror , see my professed beliefs held up for scrutiny, and still find them steadfast.

All DOES happen for our Higher Good, ALL things are a blessing, and the human mind, our intentions, our thoughts, CAN and DO make seemingly impossible things happen on a physical level.

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »

%d bloggers like this: