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Archive for the ‘Compassion’ Category


MOVING BEYOND PAIN

Pain, (can be physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, or a combination of these), is frightening, frustrating, debilitating and depressing. Pain is our body’s way of telling us that something is wrong…something needs to be fixed.

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Whether the pain is prolonged and chronic, or sudden and acute, it is not something we can ignore. We worry, we obsess, we try everything possible to make it go away…we look for reasons, we try to understand…and still the pain persists!

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Prolonged pain, especially where no immediate solution is found, is frustrating and frightening. It effects our day to day functioning and leaves us with a feeling of complete hopelessness when confronted with its uncertainty. It is a very frightening place to be especially when we see no imminent relief in sight.

It is weakening and debilitating, using vast stores of energies, and the unresolved issue leads to extreme levels of stress which further weaken and deplete our systems.

So, how do we get past this? OR…move through it?

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First of all, we “allow” it to be, surrender to it…do not fight it. It is there for a reason. We accept it with gratitude, Faith and Freedom from Fear. We do our best to be compassionate, gentle, patient and kind with our weakened self. We flow and trust that all IS well and WILL BE well.

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HOW DO WE DO THAT? With FAITH. FAITH in whatever it is you believe in. FAITH that all is as it should be for our Higher Good…that there is a bigger picture, and overview, which we are unable to see….FAITH that all will resolve itself in the best possible way, at the best possible time. We RELEASE our fears expectations, judgments, ego, and interference…we allow God, Source, Creation, Universe Higher Being, to bring all things into play in the best possible way for our Higher Good.

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Doing this is very difficult…despair, hopelessness, despondency, distress and depression are all working against us and it takes a conscious ad concerted effort on our part.

How do we reignite our Faith in difficult times? That is another entire post…but Prayer, Meditation, asking for guidance and direction and the wisdom to hear the answers…and work with them towards the solution which is already in place. AND BE GRATEFUL. Faith is not something that just happens. We have an active role in keeping it alive…we co-create our lives together with Spirit. (More in a future post)

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But when we DO make the effort, we will lovingly and gratefully find ourselves moving back into our Sweet Spot back to balance, to bliss, to joy, to acceptance to gratitude and to happiness.

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with love light and JOY
Jane

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Cleansing and Mourning Process Gratefully Accepted

heal in your own time and your own way

I’ve been through a difficult frustrating week of what I now realize is a final cleansing and mourning process. Felt the flu coming on so attacked it full force with my ayurvedic herbal preparations. I felt no flu like symptoms per se except for weakness. So basically I didn’t really suffer much during the cleansing process but was frustrated in that I had to cancel all my plans for lots of dancing this week. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday! 😦 …but I am looking at it all compassionately and acceptingly and finally today I am beginning to feel better. But this could NOT happen until I hit rock bottom today, even cried, and eventually realized that if things had worked out differently, I would have been celebrating my ex’s birthday all throughout this weekend. Once I allowed myself to accept my feelings, to acknowledge and validate them, I began to feel better. No matter how sure we are that we have made the right decision, no matter how at peace we are with that decision, accepting the feelings that accompany it are all part of the cleansing and healing process. Give yourself permission to feel, to be sad, to cry, to mourn…and when your strength, energy and vitality return, you will know you are ready to healthily move on.

not getting what you want

I am missing him, and that is natural and normal, but not feeling bad about it…actually, not even sad but more acceptingly grateful that I was given the courage to be strong enough to end a relationship with someone who was not worth my loving him or worthy of my love. However difficult this is to do, the sense of relief I am feeling more than compensates for the loss I am feeling. I feel blessed to be in this place, at this moment, and know something so much better is finding its way to me. I am open and ready for it. I am truly blessed. I’ve learned valuable and important lessons from this past relationship and truly  experienced deep and powerful love for the first time. It was quite miraculous  and I am most grateful for being given this lovely and truly pleasurable learning experience. With all its difficulties, I would not have wanted to miss it for a moment.

i deserve better

I have lost something that I truly wanted in my life

But it was something that was not healthy for me and I am eternally grateful to you for giving me the strength to end it

weight and release

And now….smilingly waiting for whatever new and beautiful experience awaits me.

with much love light and JOY

Jane

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Note:  This post originally appeared in 2008 on my Mindfulness Journal but I was drawn back to it today, and once reading the whole thing (it is a quite long post, but truly worth reading all the way to the end), I realized why I so needed to read it.  Sometimes we really need reminders of the truly important things in our lives.  I hope you will have the patience to read it through and hope it brings you also some small inspiration or assistance in your own life’s journey.  With much love light and JOY – Jane

ABDELLAH IN PARIS – MARCH 2006

This is for me the beginning of a personal effort to recapture and understand the rhyme and reason, insight and lesson, and even beauty associated with what would appear to be a single event but which is really the culmination of a long series of synchronicities which lead up to, and even followed the event itself.

So, where to I begin? Well, those of you who have been following my blogs know of my wonderful friend Abdellah and our very special relationship, which included not only the lovely times we spent together in India, but even a 9 day visit I made to Paris to spend time with him in March of 2006. You can read a short account in the blog posts: http://mindfulnessjournal.blogspot.com/#114495322641587364


Abdellah is the only person I ever knew who truly and literally lived each day as it if was his last…truly lived in the moment.

The only meaning money had for him was as a means to bring happiness into the lives of people (not just “others”, himself as well, as he was a person who truly loved and respected himself).

NADDI

He lived each and every day fully, and worrying about “having enough for the future” was a completely alien concept to him. He was my living lesson in non-attachment.


BHAGSU WATERFALL CAFE 2003

Abdellah’s quest during the short few years I knew him, was to get closer to God. This was his reason for pursuing the different philosophies he pursued, such as Kriya Yoga. He was looking for the best way to connect to Him. Well, he is now where he always wanted to be. With God – and I am happy for him as I know he is at peace and content. He was just an angel here on Earth waiting to get back home.

A PUJA AT BHAGSU WATERFALL

And the lessons I learnt from him, I was able to put into action in my own life by using money “I did not have” and “could not afford to use” – to bring joy and happiness in a surprising way, into the life of another person. And this small act snowballed and the effects of my one small action continued to bring further happiness to others as well.

The lessons I learnt from Abdellah, the days filled with joy and laughter we spent together, the deeper meaning of living life to the fullest which I was permeated with every time I spoke to him, the smiles of joy on the faces of all those who knew him every time his name was mentioned, are all things which will remain with me forever.

He will always be with me. Abdellah was a practicing Buddhist, and I just have to maneuver my way over a bunch of ants so as not to step on them, or watch a mosquito fly by without “clapping” it between my hands (I did that once instinctively when Abdellah was with me (!)…I have NEVER done it again!), and I think of him. [Abdellah’s Mother is Muslim, and his step-father, who he grew up with, is Jewish (he has relatives in Israel), and one of his favorite foods is kneidlach, which I happily made for him with chicken soup one evening in McLeodganj. I also taught him how to make challah when I was in Paris with him. ] I just have to think of sausissons which he introduced me to at Kailwood in 2004, and I am in food heaven. The wonderful meals we shopped for, cooked and ate together, the movies we watched with his wonderful insights – he studied film in university in the States – the insights into Buddhist philosophy I received from him, but more important, in daily living…all these things keep him alive within me. Showing true loving-kindness, compassion and goodwill to all – not an easy thing to do ALL the time, was something that he could never NOT do. It was simply part of his essence. A living lesson in truly loving and respecting all living creatures, including himself. Like the wonderful plans he had drawn up for his new home in India, originally planned at the farmhouse in Kangra but later moved to an area near Palampur that his friend the Banker in Dharamsala was helping him with. A beautifully planned home, lavishly furnished with the best of everything including giant full wall size plasma TV screen.

 AT KOKILA’S FARMHOUSE IN KANGRA WHERE HE WAS ORIGINALLY PLANNING TO BUILD A HOUSE

Well, let’s start with the fact that the last time I saw Abdellah was when he left Dharamsala to go back to Delhi and home to Paris, last year sometime in May 2007 if I am not mistaken. We had spent several really fun days together as usual, but his time in Dharamsala was short and we didn’t have the intense type of visit we usually do in India, where we spend extended periods of time together. So when I decided to go back to India in February 2008, we knew we would be meeting up for 2 weeks the beginning of March before he flew back to Paris after his several months studying Yoga in Mysore. He would come up to Rishikesh, and it would have been his first visit to Rishikesh and I knew he would love it, and was excited about seeing him.

I wrote to him from home to confirm the visit, but when he didn’t reply I didn’t think twice about it, as this was part of who he was and I never was disturbed by his lack of response to my e-mails. I always knew he read them all from the conversations we would have afterwards when we met. He just hated writing. He would prefer to call me by phone, which he did every couple of months, usually calling on a Friday night and saying “Shabbat Shalom” and throwing me off balance for a few seconds before I realized it was him calling.

I then wrote again when I arrived, and again as the beginning of March got closer, but still received no response. Someplace deep down inside I felt a twinge of worry, but ignored it, thinking that he perhaps had changed his plans, and would certainly be in touch with me when he was able to. And then the beginning of March came and went and no word. I even met our mutual friend Nikolai in Rishikesh and asked about Abdellah. He also said he had been strangely silent for a long time…even for him.

                       ABDELLAH AND NIKOLAI AT KAILWOOD IN MCLEODGANJ – 2004

But he also agreed with me that there was no reason for worry as this was typical behavior for him…Abdellah was my big lesson in true non-attachment, and I tended to agree with Nikolai, but something still didn’t seem right to me. But I brushed it aside. I would be home in Israel soon (it was a short trip to India) and if I hadn’t heard from him by then, would call him, or call a friend of his in Paris, which was the only other way I had of contacting him. And I continued with the short remaining time I had in Rishikesh, disappointed with not having seen Abdellah, but figuring there was a good reason for him not being there with me. I was after all, enjoying the company of Ben tremendously, as well as my healing meetings with Dudi, and was being kept quite busy and happy as well.

When I arrived home, still not having heard from Abdellah, I went to call his friend in Paris several times, but something always “got in the way” of the phone call. It just seemed to be something which would not happen. And then one day, I forwarded an e-mail to a group of friends, and when doing this, Abdellah’s name would always appear in the ”TO” window as he was alphabetically first on my list. The rest would be BCC , but anyone who opened the mail could see I had sent it to Abdellah. One of the recipients was Nikolai, and he sent me an e-mail simply saying “do you know-just in case- that Abdellah passed away about a month ago?”

Well, first of all it is not an easy thing to write and I certainly don’t envy Nikolai for being the one to write it to me, and second of all, what do you do when you read something like that? You go into shock and denial at first, I can tell you, and then you begin to feel guilty about not knowing about it sooner (but how could you?), and then you begin to think “Why didn’t I call sooner” (but what good would that have done), and then you burst out in tears, and then uncontrollable sobs, and you need to sit down, you need to speak to someone, you need to understand, you need to comprehend what you just read, and you cry and cry and cry until everything hurts and there are no more tears…and then you begin to cry again. And finally, you can breath once again and you begin to realize the impact of that simple sentence. You will never see Abdellah again…not in India, not in Paris, not anywhere. He will never call again and surprise you with a “Shabbat Shalom”. He will never come up behind you on the street , say “How YOU doin’ my friend” and when you turn around, see his amazing smile in front of you. You will never cook another meal together with him,


KITCHERI IN MY ROOM AT KAILWOOD – 2003

drink coffee with him, go shopping with him (shop until you drop style) again, never watch another movie with him again, never have him watch you dance folkdancing in the guesthouse room, never listen to music again with him, never just sit and talk with him or travel with him, or laugh with him, never go to Udeechi Huts in Naddi for fried chicken with him, never, never, and more never!

UDEECHI HUTS IN NADDI 2004

And then I began to do my best to put together a story of how this all happened. Being in touch with other mutual friends I was able to put together the sad story of his illness and surprising death. I will not detail it here, as there is no reason to do so, but will simply say that he contracted pneumonia in Mysore, and by the time he was flown home to Paris by his insurance company, quite some time later by the way, the virus had done too much damage and he was unable to recover. He was 47 years old. I further checked with them and his family, found out some precise dates of events etc., read stories many people had written about him, collected pictures etc.

I refuse to dwell on the “what if” questions etc., as there is simply no point in it, and prefer to put together for you a series of small synchronicities surrounding my arrival in India in February, my stay there, some unusual things that I realized through hindsight which show the interconnectiveness of our souls even after his death. I can truly tell you that I “see” Abdellah more now than I did when he was alive…he is with me very often. Watching me at folkdancing, attending a recent silent retreat with me, and during one of the meditations sat next to me, and in his typical fashion of never taking anything in life too seriously, said to me “Well, I see someone has finally got you to shut up!” (He very often commented that I talked too much!). He is actually sitting with me now and has already made a couple of comments about what I am writing. I wear a bracelet he once bought for me (by surprise…sending it to me by mail after I had already left India…after I had admired it in a jewelry store where we were shopping together for presents for his family members)…and I can feel him physically with me. His presence is powerful and loving and gentle and brings me great happiness…whenever I am feeling down, he comes around and brings a big smile to my face. I can truly say that I do not miss him , as I very rarely saw him anyway. When I return to India in a couple of months, I’m sure it will be difficult, but I am also sure that he will be there with me as well, just as he is now.

So now, just a small list of those things discovered in retrospect, bringing things more into focus and understanding.

I arrived in India actually quite ill, having fallen sick at home several days prior to my flight. Upon my arrival in Rishikesh, I actually began running a very high fever, which is very unusual for me, I rarely, if ever, have even a low fever when I am ill. After two days the guesthouse people took me to a doctor as they were quite worried about my condition, and he said there is extremely serious congestion in my lungs and he suspects pneumonia. He was an ayurveda doctor and gave me certain herbal medicines to take, but also recommended 3 days of antibiotics due to the extreme severity of my condition. I was quite surprised as I don’t usually get this ill. This was around the 14th of February. Later on, checking back on my blog, I realized that the first day I felt well enough to leave my room, or the small area near it in the guesthouse, was on February 22nd. This was the first day when, all of a sudden, all of the symptoms I had been feeling, completely disappeared, as if I had never been sick.
A couple of days after that, I met Ben and one of the first things he brought me to read was a booklet called “Do Not Grieve” which he had picked up at a local ashram in town. At the time, I simply read it and found many interesting ideas regarding life in general, and graceful acceptance of all that happens etc., without ever thinking that I would actually need it for true grieving. But there is was…in my room….
another thing which happened to me and is also documented in a blog post is a feeling of sudden and deep sadness for no reason which overcame me, and brought me to tears which could not be stopped. I had to leave the company of friends and run up to my room. It lasted for a few days and only when I did a full energy cleansing of my room did I begin to feel better and start sleeping again at night. I tried finding a reason for the sadness, but simply could not….everything was just beautiful in my life at the moment. It is something that came from a deep deep place within…only afterward I understood what it was and what had caused it to service.
Upon returning home to Israel, I began my Reiki Sharing group and at the first meeting, one of the people working on me said she felt a deep, profound sadness within me, so intense that it was difficult for HER to bear. I again said I could think of no reason for such sadness to be sensed as I was in an extremely tranquil and harmonious time in my life and all seemed to be going really well for me.

Once I found out the dates connected to Abdellah’s illness, his death, his memorial services etc., I went back and checked the above things by date as well. I was SO intensely ill just at the same time that Abdellah was at the most critical part of his own illness with pneumonia. The day he passed away, and no longer felt the suffering from the symptoms, was February 22nd! The same day I first was able leave my room, feeling complete relief from symptoms as well.
The booklet “Do Not Grieve” came in very handy the first day I heard the news at home as it helped me to put things into perspective and come to terms with what had happened.
The day of the Reiki Sharing Group turned out to be the same day that a Memorial Service was held for Abdellah in the States, and again the sadness was felt by me. And the sadness I felt in India, well, my soul KNEW what had happened…it just had no way of communicating it to me on an intellectual level, so even not knowing, I also KNEW, and the sadness already enveloped me.

And of course Abdellah continues to do things for others even though he is no longer here with us physically. The lessons I learnt from him, and continue to absorb, lead me to understand that someone near and dear needed immediate help, and that even though everything common sense told me said I could not help them, Abdellah said I could and should, and so I did, and wonderful things have happened to an entire family through that help but with thanks to him.

I will end this post with my thanks to God and the Universe for bringing Abdellah into my life, and to Abdellah himself for all the wonderful days he spent with me, and for the lovely moments he still spends with me to this day.

Goodbye My Friend!

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Personal Needs – Focusing Within – Survival

My own needs are no less important than anyone else’s, my own feelings no less valid than  another’s.  I do not love others less when I choose to  make self care my first priority when necessary.  I do not diminish my to service to others or my nurturing them,  I do not belittle my commitment to them, when I love, serve and nurture myself first, when necessary.

Focusing within is not a selfish act but one of self love, self compassion, self respect, self preservation.

It is  an act of survival.

Through my own recent difficult period, this is another important message and insight I have been reminded of and blessed with.

with love light and JOY

Jane

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LETTING GO

I have been going through a particularly difficult week for personal reasons and these times always test us.  They are sure indications of where we truly are in our life’s journey. They remove any pretense or pretension we may have about the progress we have made along our own journey.  They are truly blessings in disguise from an all wise and loving God and Universe.  I have been finding it difficult to be compassionate with myself and allow myself to be “weak”, to cry, to be afraid.  Today, I finally gave myself permission to feel whatever it is my soul needs to feel at this time, and asked the Angels for assistance in flowing with this decision.  And I was immediately guided to my collection of poems written over the years, and to this one in particular.  So it is mostly here for me, but am hoping it will bring some inspiration or personal message to others who read it as well.

with love light and JOY

Jane

 

Letting Go

Release anger,
Release fear,
Release Worry
Embrace love
Embrace faith
Embrace calm acceptance.

The river will take you swiftly along at certain points
And allow you periods of motionless calm
But the current will always be there to move your boat along
You may see places you would like to stop at
But the choice is not always yours
Release into the flow of the river
And calmly and joyfully accept whatever direction it takes you.

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Sometimes, Doing Nothing Can Be the Best Thing to be Doing

 

Most of us, especially in the West, have been trained from childhood that sitting around “doing nothing” is a complete waste of time and a definite “no-no”. Maybe even tantamount of sin.  We’ve been made to feel guilty about it for so long, that even thinking about it brings up uncomfortable feelings.  Well, nothing could be further from the truth and it is time to start seeing the idea of “doing nothing” in a different light.

The Art of Doing Nothing

There are times in life, as noted above in the lovely photo, when there simply is nothing you can do to change anything from being the way it is at the moment.  And trying to change something like that (like being sick with pneumonia), will only bring despair, frustration, anger, depression, etc., into your life.  Knowing when you are faced with such a situation is of course also something which must be learned – (if you do nothing when you should be doing something, then of course you are not assisting the Universe in moving things along for you)-but if you seriously take a look at the situation which is frustrating you at the moment, and come to the conclusion that this is definitely not something you can do anything about, then doing nothing is the best thing you can do.

You must continue to live in an attitude of gratitude, for even a difficult situation is in your life at the moment for a good reason, one which you may understand at a later date, or not.  So give thanks to God and the Universe for giving you the blessing of whatever has come into your life at the moment to upset your balance or frustrate you, and then put it aside.  Stop contemplating and thinking and trying to analyze the how’s and why’s of it.

By doing this, you are expressing your Faith in  God and the Universe to always send to you what is best for your Higher Good at the moment, and by releasing resistance, you are allowing the “thing” to more easily accomplish whatever it is meant to in your life.

A “doing nothing” time is also the perfect time to gather energy for whatever comes next. Allow yourself, with love and compassion, to enjoy this time in total acceptance.

This is also a precious time for your body, and soul, to cleanse and rejuvenate and get ready for whatever is to come.

So, is this a “do nothing” time for you?  If so, accept it and …ENJOY!  I’ve been completely doing just that for the past few days, once overcoming more than a week of “fighting it” (my illness), and have been playing computer games, watching old tv series which I love, reading “just for fun” books, and not beating myself up about not doing my yoga, meditation practice or any of the other things I “should” be doing.  And to my great pleasure, I am finally beginning to feel “human” again.

My gratitude for the blessings of these times and for the wisdom to recognize them for what they are.

Hope you will all find the time to “do nothing” and benefit from it as it was meant to be for you.  remember:

Doing Nothing is Doing Something Very Important

with love light and JOY

Jane

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It’s one of those days.

The photos accompanying this post are just my way of doing something nice for myself today–re-experiencing some relaxing days in Rishikesh, India

Relaxing Along the Ghats, Laxman Jhula Rishikesh

Didn’t sleep again last nite due to my cough, woke this morning with a pounding headache-a rare thing for me – made my way to my family doctor and it seems after all this time of feeling really ill and being weak, that i have pneumonia!  At least there is a good reason for the way I’ve been feeling.

Aside from that, I switched phone companies yesterday to get cheaper rates and although I was promised I’d have a line working within a few hours, I am still without a working phone as of this afternoon.  When I spoke to them, for the second time today (after being assured that a technician was already on the way to see what the problem was and fix it), they had the nerve to tell me that they could not send a technician until tomorrow because according to the “rules”, since I called just today, it is impossible for them to send someone the same day!!  Wanted to know why, if I was having trouble with my line, I waited so long to notify them!!!   That’s when I exploded-not from anger but from pure frustration!  Bottom line, they “made every effort” and someone is supposed to come today.  (Since I wrote this-they called to tell me that it is against the rules and the management cancelled the technician for today-at that point I told them to simply send the technician whenever they wanted to and let him disconnect me from them and reconnect me back to the first -when I was told that would be impossible-I’d have to let them fix the line and THEN call the old provider and tell them I wanted to reconnect-I exploded once again-by then fierce jackhammers pounding in my head and agreed to have the technician come tomorrow and figure it out from there – just as I hung up, the representative from the FIRST company called to ask me why I transferred my line and I explained to him that I thought it was cheaper etc.  He gave me a new deal, will send someone tomorrow morning to reconnect me, and told me not to say anything to the other company.  When they come to fix their own line, just tell them to take the device and leave!-which is what I will do-and hope this is the end of the phone story!)

The whole above story sounds like something very India, and maybe just a way of giving the feeling of being in India without actually being there!!

Biking in India

More Biking in India...Note the Elephant Sign

Still feeling miserable-but being compassionate enough with me to allow myself to be ill (advice from my wonderful guy Y), but still trying to understand why-many different theories, but the truth is, it doesn’t really matter “why”

I need to get back to the place of accepting things, knowing there is a good reason for it all – But I am not having much luck these days doing that. I am not at all pleased with the way I am feeling, and doing my best to release and surrender, but for some reason there is resistance and I am having a hard time of it.  And of course, the resistance only makes things worse.

This is a venting post.  I know I will find my way back to my balance,..I always do.  I know these are all blessings (in disguise at the moment).  I know all things are for my Higher Good – there are just times when I wish I could see the “big picture”, the “overview”, myself.

Searching for Answers or Just Enjoying the View Along the Ganga

This is one of those times

with love light JOY and good health

Jane

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