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Archive for January, 2013


Such an Honor….I am humbled and grateful. 🙂

India 2008-2015

Blog of the Year Award banner 600

Oh my!!  I’ve been awarded this lovely Award by Peri at Peri’s Spice Handle.  I am completely surprised, but humbled and greatly honoured as well.  If you have not as yet visited her blog, and you have a love affair similar to my own with India Cuisine, I urge you to rush over as soon as possible.  Her blog is designed to ” add Indian-inspired flavors to everyday favoritesand tweak Indian classicsfor a more global appeal’.  And she does a superb job of  this.  Her recipes are always delicious to eat, but also exact in measure and instructions which makes them a joy to try out.

Peri honored my blog with the following comment which I would like to share with you: “Namaste Jane:) Your site and posts on India thrill my soul. I visited India vicariously thru you this year! Thank you for …being such a…

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“Getting lost in love” is truly not a healthy way to “be” in love-or to love someone.

freedom-being you

Since the ending of my relationship with Y  just 3 weeks ago I’ve had many ups and downs, mostly ups to be honest, some doubts but none of them serious, some thoughts about my own ability to be IN a relationship at all (not just THIS particular one, ANY one), and all those thoughts and doubts have also proven themselves to be unfounded and lacking any truth. (took some deep inner work to figure this out, lots of prayer, meditation and guidance,but it was well worth the effort).

To finally understand that freedom to be completely yourself is possible WITHIN a relationship when that relationship is with the right person.

My relationship with Y was an amazing roller coaster ride, in which I soared to the highest peaks and fell sickeningly to the lowest places possible (literally-with more health issues than I’ve experienced in all the past 20 years put together)!  But I was tossed into this relationship unexpectedly and by surprise,  by God and the Universe, once again in order to learn more about myself and my being with a partner.  The school of life literally never ends, but some courses are easier and some are much more difficult to get through.

Y was a loving and caring teacher and he succeeded in teaching me more than anyone has in the past – including my parents, my friends, even my children.  I will always remember him with deep love for this role he played in my life.  But the biggest lesson, and one which has been plaguing me my whole life, was something I still had to learn on my own, and it wasn’t until the relationship was ended, that the AHA! Moment came.

Actually, my soul understood the problem almost from the beginning of the relationship 1 1/2 years ago, but I refused to listen!  (As we very often do).  And when I DID begin listening, and tried to blend with my soul’s understandings of what was “right” for me, this became the catalyst , or CAUSE of the relationship finally coming to an end.  But I did not see this until just a few days ago!  🙂

I once again realized that I had fallen back into my old habits of behavior while in a relationship.  I was still unable to be  WITH someone else and still be with myself as well.  I again found myself “loosing myself-getting lost-denying my own essence” in the process of being together with another. I found myself, for many reasons, going with the flow (the partner’s flow to be more precise) but in almost no way was this flow good for me.

And I actually thought I was enjoying the ride!!

In the first instance, a lifetime ago it seems, I had strong reasons to continue “going with the flow”…a large and growing family to take care of, long time friendship and loving times with my husband, a life style which was comfortable, pleasant and comforting, etc., etc.

Over 20 years later, ( and after many similar situations) I still found good reasons for “going with the flow” : a deep, soul wrenching, almost paralyzing love which could not be denied and was a great joy, blessing and privilege to have experienced, especially at my advanced age and after waiting so many years to find.

But it was still not a good enough reason to loose myself.

“Getting lost in love” is truly not a healthy way to “be” in love-or to love someone.

It is self destructive and self-sabotaging in the end and no relationship can be healthily sustained with this type of loving.

Only when it came to a point of exploding, or “imploding” on me, did I begin the process of trying to “retrieve” myself.  But this is so unfair to the other person.  They only know you as you presented yourself to them and they have no way of knowing how much you are denying your own needs and desires in order to be with them.  And when they DO find out that you need to be someone other than they thought you were, they very well may be unable, or unwilling to make the effort needed to “go with YOUR flow”.

Leaving his own comfort zone any further to continue to be with me, was something which Y was either incapable of doing, or simply unwilling to do to stay with me.  His own words were “The car is not worth the price!!”

So, the trick is to learn to be ME always, not to loose the essence of who I am no matter how much I love another and want to be with him. Not to accommodate my needs to fit the other person’s comfort zone without having him do the same for me.  If he is not able to be with me as I truly am, or not strong enough to be with me as I truly am, then we are not meant to be together.

When the person comes along who is secure enough in his OWN being to be with me, and to be worthy of me as I truly am, we will be able to live happily ever after.  And I believe it will still happen.

I am worth the effort needed by another to go with “my” flow as well.  To leave his own comfort zone as much as I need to leave mine.

And to find together a new place which is OUR comfort zone.

I believe this is possible.

I have Faith that this will happen and the memories of the deep soul love I felt with Y will always be with me.  Knowing that such love is possible between two people was one of the great blessings of this relationship. Finding this powerful love with the right person for me, is the next part of the journey, and I know things are already in place to manifest this new joyful miracle.

with love light and JOY

Jane

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