Below is a mail I received from Tom, Don Thomas, a Shaman, and it was so perfectly said, that I felt I would share it with you all as he wrote it. I have his permission and suggest you check out his website at the end of the post
My Dear Sisters and Brothers,
I have found that low self-esteem and lack of self-love are issues often found together. If you suffer from low self-esteem, it is possible that the root cause is due to insufficient self-love.
If you find it difficult to obtain unconditional love and acceptance for yourself or loving yourself feels unnatural, is it likely that your mind has been embedded with self sabotaging thoughts a long time.
Nothing will be any different until you make a conscious decision to change and you have that power to change! When you do not unconditionally love and accept yourself, you are basically telling the Universe that you are unworthy or undeserving of any love, acceptance or positive outcomes that have the same vibrational match as unconditional love and acceptance.
Learning to unconditionally love and accept yourself starts with making a conscious decision with an intention to become happy and lead a fulfilled life. When you do not unconditionally love and accept yourself and suffer from low self-esteem, it is almost impossible to ever reach the potential that you suspect you have.
When you make a decision to unconditionally love and accept yourself, you are really saying that you want to come alive. You accept that you are responsible for the outcomes that you experience in your life and would like yourself to shine from living a fulfilling life.
I have compiled a list of suggestions on “How to unconditionally love and accept yourself”, therefore, if you’ve decided to unconditionally love and accept yourself here are my 18 suggestions which I believe can be helpful in fulfilling your decision:
1. Fall in love with yourself. Think about what makes you you. Just like a flower that needs watering to grow, learn to nurture yourself in every way. Love yourself for all the good that you are and accept your flaws and the fact that you are imperfect. This does not mean that you do not learn to change from your shortcomings; instead, you are being gentle and kind to yourself despite your “flaws”. Look in the mirror and fall in love with the reflection that is You. Speak loving thoughts to yourself and believe in you by nurturing this self love with corresponding thoughts, words and deeds.
2. Eliminate Self Criticism. Do you often berate yourself over the tiniest things? Is there a little voice inside your head that often tells you that you are no good because you are stupid or make mistakes? If you find that you criticize yourself often, make an effort to stop the self-criticism. Remember I can is 100 times more important than IQ.
3. Be Kind And Positive. When you start to think kindly and positively about yourself, the love you have for yourself naturally grows. Make it a habit to praise yourself everyday when you talk to yourself and in the front of the mirror. Because of such thoughts, you then naturally undertake empowering actions that support your development.
4. Acknowledge Your Effort. It is not always about winning or being on top in everything that you do. Many times, it is the effort that counts! Acknowledge that you have done your best, even if you have not produced tangible results and learn from your efforts.
5. Let Go Of Worry. Unconditionally loving and accepting yourself requires you to let go of your worry. Constant worrying is a horrible way to live a life for it is wasted energy. Worry does not help any way. It cannot, on its own, make things happen. Only wise actions can! So instead of worrying, spend time thinking about what you can do to help the situation. If there is something you need to do then do it. If the situation is beyond your control, then make a request to the Great Spirit for what you want. Next, surrender your outcome.
6. Trust Yourself. Have confidence in your abilities. Know that you have the ability to make important changes for yourself as long as you put your heart in it. You can also support yourself by visualizing desired outcomes.
7. Forgive Yourself. If you have made mistakes in the past that have caused you to feel less worthy, then you need to forgive yourself. All of us make mistakes; so there really is no need to beat yourself up over them. Also, if you have been carrying around baggage of emotional hurt because of a childhood trauma, learn to forgive yourself and anyone else who may have caused your pain.
8. Be Truthful To Yourself. Unconditionally loving and accepting yourself requires you to be truthful about your own feelings. If you are happy, acknowledge the joy. If you are sad, acknowledge the sorrow. When you are truthful about your feelings, you do not try to lie to yourself or seek to bury your negative emotions. Instead, acknowledging what you feel provides a good guide to what your thoughts are. As we all know, thoughts can be changed, so that healing and self growth can take place.
9. Grow Spiritually. When you spend time growing spiritually, unconditional love and acceptance of yourself becomes automatic. You become more peaceful, connected, kind, loving and compassionate. You nurture a mind that grows more beautiful by the day. You naturally love yourself in the process.
10. Make Positive Affirmations Everyday. Reframe your mental outlook with positive affirmations. For instance, say this to yourself “I love and accept myself completely and unconditionally.” Read your affirmations out loud several times a day and then incorporate them into actions that are unconditionally loving and accepting.
11. Express Gratitude. Express gratitude for the person that you are. For instance, cultivate an appreciation for your strengths and gifts. Also, feel a sense of gratitude that you are alive and well, and fully capable of making a difference in your life. Look for what is right and see all the many blessings in your life which are overlooked or minimized when we only focus on what we don’t have.
12. Nurture Your Dreams. Why deny yourself your dreams? When you nurture your dreams, you will love the life that you are leading. Every moment that you live is a joy because you are expressing yourself fully. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do rather than the things you did do.
13. Boost Your Self Confidence. Make a deliberate attempt to look for opportunities that can help improve your confidence. For instance, if you are particularly good at doing something, set aside more time to indulge and improve your skills on it. Knowing that you have particular gifts and acknowledging them can boost self-esteem.
14. Relax. Give yourself space to take breaks every now and then. If you spend your time working, without paying attention to your health, it also means that you do not unconditionally love and accept yourself well enough to take care of your own body. Fill your time with silence, meditations, fun, joy, soothing music and visions of beauty; anything that nourishes your body, mind and spirit.
15. Have Fun. Inject some fun into your life. Life is meant to be enjoyed. Do not take life or yourself too seriously. If you can think of life in this manner, you automatically relax and quit worrying over things that do not matter.
16. Look After Your Body. It is important that you strengthen yourself with prayer, proper nutrition and regular exercise. Your body is a temple and you should treat it with respect, love and care. It has been found that the lack of self love is often the root causes of conditions like eating disorders, obesity or even terminal diseases.
17. Learn To See Beauty. When you learn to see beauty in everything, you will also see beauty in yourself. Thus, stop and smell the flowers. Notice everything. Feel everything. The pink blush of the flowers in your garden, the greenness of the leaves, , the whisper of the gentle wind, or the myriad hues of a setting sun.
18. Share the Love. Once you have a true feeling for unconditional love and accept of yourself share it with everyone you meet.
I suggest reflecting on this affirmation to grow your self love:
I am me. In the entire world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it. I own everything about me: my body, my mind, my spirit, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, my failures and my mistakes.
Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with myself. In so doing, I can unconditionally love and accept myself and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know – but as long as I am unconditionally loving and accepting of myself, I can courageously look for solutions to the puzzles and learn more about me to deepen my unconditional love and acceptance of myself.
However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at any given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new to replace that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I am me and I love and accept me….unconditionally!
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Peace, Love and Sacred Journey,
Don Thomas
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